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it's 4.33am and i dont want to fall asleep.

cos when i wake up it'll really be 2008.

@ 12:30 PM

my friend was telling me a phenomena about human relationships and how it all goes in a vicious cycle...

we start off trying to get to know everyone better, thread on unknown ground to test each other's limits and know each other's Achilles heel. Slowly after a while, we get more comfortable, we start fooling around, we start deep and serious conversations about each other's lives and we start putting that bit more trust in these people. As we get even more comfortable, we start telling people about our lives, about little things like what we had for dinner and bigger things like work, ambitions, dreams and fears. Along the way, we understand more about these other people. At the same time, we understand more about ourselves. Sometimes it's also easy to overlook this sense of trust and companionship we've built up. Sometimes we take one another for granted, sometimes we assume one another should know what we're thinking even without us telling them, sometimes others assume the same about us. then we drift apart slowly and this cycle starts again with a new group of friends...

interesting huh? i've thought about it before but never really put it down in writing... human relationships, that's why they are so important and so precious. cos there's no set formula and no one right way of doing things. and that's what makes it all the more interesting and challenging. =)

@ 12:38 PM

if you wanna go, go. if you cant stand the sight of someone, then why stay? my point is... if it's so difficult.. then make the choice you want to make and stand by it. for once, make a choice for yourself. be selfish and ask yourself what you really want. then go find it. if not here, then somewhere else.

i'm not even sick and tired of this whole nonsense, cos i'm just numb. i dun feel anything about it anymore. i dont like being the one stuck in the centre. i dun like having to defend one side and take the shit from the other side. i dont like having to do this to BOTH parties.

so there... go settle your own problems... and let me know what's happening. better still... i don't want to know until you all have decided.

thankewverymuch.

dated 6/12/07

@ 12:37 PM

i had a friend who started a basketball team a few years back.

he loved to play, was always on the courts after school and now, after work, and he was happily trying to recruit people into the team so that he could share his passion with more people.

things were great in the beginning. he had many people coming to tryout for the team and he was introducing many people to a new sport they never thought of picking up before. All was good for him and for the team.

slowly, he thought of joining the inter-constituency competition. he was competitive to start with, but he knew he needed time to let people feel the competitive spirit so he waited till now before he mooted the idea to the them. i guess they were pretty supportive as well though things had to change. there were more practices, he became stricter and more uptight sometimes. sometimes people even thought he was overbearing and irritating. slowly, cracks started appearing in the team, and for some reasons i didnt know of, the team broke up.

he re-grouped everyone and started a new team some months down. starting from zero again must have been exhausting both mentally and physically for him but i guess no one in the team saw that cos they all thought he was doing it very willingly anyway. it was a good thing that this team did work out. they even went on to do very well at a couple of national competitions. to everyone, that was the hard work of the team, no one bothered to thank him, to tell him he did a good job of bringing the team thus far, to give him some recognition. granted, basketball is a team sport and he is nothing without the rest of his players, but no one bothered cos it was too easy to overlook that.

new rules, new regulations, new policies, new positions... i guess his players must have been tired too - after a while, these players became firm friends and all they wanted to do was to enjoy shooting hoops weekly, without the tiresome bureaucracy and the incessant nagging. i guess he made many wrong moves too, some which even i couldnt understand and agree with, as much as he tried to explain them to me. i guess it was easy for everyone to pin the blame on him just because he was the common enemy. it was easy cos he didn't understand what they wanted and it was even easier for everyone to mistake his commitment for tyranny and his passion for a fear of losing.

but alas, his players were human, and he was human too. he's tired now. and i cant help but to say something, not in his defence, but as a reflection of my feelings.

all humans need to be appreciated. all humans need to live on hope. but if we cant even give that to someone else, if we cant be bothered to see through our forgone conclusions about someone... then maybe we're really just human in the end. and as humans, we make mistakes we refuse to admit. in the end, who's to say who was right or wrong?

my friend's tired now. i think i can understand why... even though no one's at fault, everyone's at fault too?

dated - 16/12/07

@ 12:34 PM

xmas is definitely the season of love... and with so many friends around me getting happily attached and hitched, i confirm my suspicions.
.
.
.
.
.

NO ONE LOVES ME!

boo hoo hoo.

*grumbles*....luckily i have my 19 cow-cows and my darling bolster.

@ 10:54 AM

red wine by the pool with daddy and my uncle...

bacardi on the rocks for my cousin, who turned so red cos he had wine before that and we evil people didn't warn him of the effects of mixing different kinds of alcohol. =)

i have a lovely dysfunctional family and i love them.

merry xmas!

@ 10:11 AM

the grip comes off and i think i'm done =)

hello 2008!

@ 7:58 AM

tonight felt different...

maybe i'm just sleepy...



keluar baris was lovely though =)... i really really loved the music and pan of course, with his chinese, hokkien and solitary bus rides with the sun behind him. really nice and emo. =)

oh yah... you're gonna see me on the roads very soon =) as soon as i convince my dad to let me take the car out myself. The one and only thing i managed to achieve for 2007 and i'm pretty darn glad it's over and done with.

good night people.

enjoy the holidays and spread some love!

@ 12:16 PM

if this is not the cutest thing ever... =)

@ 8:11 AM

back... after a week of oily chinese food, very minimal shopping, and very interesting visits to the village.

2 weeks to the end of 20-07.

what have YOU done this year? =)

@ 9:02 AM

scary...

cos i'm actually numb to it all.

do whatever you all think is right k =)

i'm behind you. as long as you think it's right.

16 hours! =)

@ 3:09 AM

exams done, bags unpacked, leaving for hainan island in 36 hours, packed december lined up... i think i'll be ending 2007 with a blast.

back on the 14th. till then... =)

@ 9:52 AM

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